Break it Down V

“…And finally the pictures go and these dry little questions just sit there without any answers, and you’re left with this large heavy pain in you that you try to numb by reading, or you try to ease by getting out into public places where there will be people around you..but no matter how good you are at pushing that pain away, just when you think you’re going to be all right for a while- that you’re safe- you are holding it off with all your strength and you’re staying in some little bare numb spot of ground, then, suddenly, it will all come back. You’ll hear a noise. Maybe it’s a cat crying or a baby, or something else like her cry. You hear it and make that connection in that part of you that you have no control over, and the pain comes back so hard that you’re afraid, afraid of how you’re falling back into it again and you wonder-no, you’re terrified- to ask how you’re ever going to climb out of it…”

Excerpt from Lydia Davis’ Break it Down (1986) 

Heroines, Lincoln Clarkes, April 26, 1998
from Heroines, Lincoln Clarkes. April 26, 1998.

 

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VI

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